The process of shar “I married
The process of looking for soul mate in Islam is not “buying a cat in a sack” as is often alleged. But it was overwhelmed by a case full of adab. Not “try first before buying” and “sweet junk thrown out”, as the plurality of young people going out in the present.
Islam has given a clear concept about the mechanism or process of a marriage that is based Al-Qur `an and Sunnah is saheeh. Here we bring you the details:
1. Knowing potential spouses
Before a man decides to marry a woman, surely he must know in advance who the woman is about to marry, and vice versa the woman knows who he is eager to marry her. Surely the process of know-know it’s not like he lived the people who do not understand religion, so they justify dating or engagement in the context of exploring potential spouses, they said. Courtship and engagement of our unlawful without sangsikan.
The prospective spouses recognize here the intention is to know what’s his name, origin, descendants, family, conduct to use ruqyah, religion and other information that is needed. This can be done by seeking information from third parties, either from relatives of the man or the woman or from others who recognize the man / woman.
That need to be a concern, should the things that could bring down the slander (the temptation of Satan) be avoided as both sides hope to bermudah telephone calls, sms, correspondence, with reasons for wanting to ta’aruf (known-known) with a potential husband / wife. Never mind the new ta’aruf, which was officially proposed must keep himself from temptation.
Therefore, when Shaykh Salih bin Abdallah bin Fauzan al-Fauzan hafizhahullah asked about the telephone conversation between a man with a woman who has dipinangnya, he replied,
“It’s okay man spoke by phone with a woman who has dipinangnya, if indeed pinangannya been received and discussions are conducted in the framework for understanding the extent that there is need, without slander. But if it is done through the intermediary of the woman’s guardian is better and more far from doubt / slander. The conversation usually done by men and women, between young men and women, but has not lasted Applying them, but his goal to know each other, as they term it, then it is unjust, unlawful, could lead to slander and plunges to the indecency . Allaah says:
فَلاَ تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلاً مَعْرُوفًا
“So do not you submit (a soft lilting) in speaking so eager jeleklah people in their hearts is a disease and say the words that ma’ruf.” (Al-Ahzab: 32)
A woman should not speak to men ajnabi unless there is a need to say words that ma’ruf, no slander in it and no doubt (which allegedly made all kinds). “(Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa Shaykh Saalih Fauzan bin 3/163-164)
Some things to note
There are some unpopular things for men to notice:
– Women’s shalihah, because the Prophet ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
تنكح النساء لأربعة: لمالها ولحسبها ولجملها ولدينها, فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك
“She was (according to existing practice, Pent.) Married for four cases, could be because of his wealth, because the offspring, because of her beauty, and because of his religion. So to you women who choose a religion. If not, you harm. “(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5090 and Muslim no. 3620 of Abu Hurayrah)
– Women’s fertile womb. Course can be known by looking at the mother or sister who had married.
The Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam has said:
تَزَوَّجُوْا الْوَدُوْدَ الْوَلُوْدَ، فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ
“Marry the woman you are caring more fertile, because I’m proud, proud in front of other people at the end of the world with many of you.” (Narrated by An-Nasa `i no. 3227, Abu Dawood, no. 1789, Al-Imam dishahihkan Al-Albani rahimahullahu in Irwa `ul Ghalil no. 1784)
– Women are still a girl , which would be achieved with perfect intimacy.
Jabir bin Abdillah radi ‘anhuma when preaching to the Messenger of Allaah’ alaihi wa sallam that he had married a widow, his peace ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
فهلا جارية تلاعبها وتلاعبك?
“Why do you not marry a girl until you can ask him to play and he can take you to play?!”
But when Jabir suggests why, that he has many sisters who are still young, so he was reluctant to bring in their midst the same young woman with them so that they can not take care of, the Messenger of Allaah praised alaihi wa sallam, “Right what you do. “(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5080, 4052 and Muslim no. 3622, 3624)
In a hadith, the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
عليكم بالأبكار, فإنهن أعذب أفواها وأنتق أرحاما وأرضى باليسير
“Let your wedding with the girls because of their mouth fresher, more children, and more pleased with a little.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah no. 1861, dihasankan Al-Imam Al-Albani rahimahullahu in Ash-Saheehah no. 623)
2. Nazhar (see prospective spouse)
A woman once came to the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam for granting himself. The woman said:
يا رسول الله, جئت أهب لك نفسي. فنظر إليها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فصعد النظر فيها وصوبه, ثم طأطأ رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم رأسه
“O Prophet! I came to granting unto me. “Messenger of peace ‘alaihi wa sallam also looked at the woman. He raised and lowered his eyes to the woman. Then he bowed his head. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5087 and Muslim no. 3472)
This hadeeth indicates if a man wants to marry a woman so dituntunkan him to first look at the candidates and studied. (Al-Minhaj Syarhu Saheeh Muslim, 9/215-216)
Therefore, when a friend wants to marry a woman Ansar, the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam advised:
انظر إليها, فإن في أعين الأنصار شيئا, يعني الصغر
“Look at these women, because in the eyes of the Ansar have something.” What he meant was their eyes a little. (Narrated by Muslim, no. 3470 of Abu Hurayrah)
Similarly, when Al-radi Mughirah Syu’bah bin ‘anhu woo a woman, the Messenger of Allaah’ alaihi wa sallam asked him, “Did you have seen the woman you nut it?” “No,” replied Al-Mughirah. The Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
انظر إليها, فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما
“Look at these women, because such would be more appropriate to maintain the relationship between you two (later).” (Narrated by An-Nasa `i no. 3235, At-Tirmidhi no.1087. Dishahihkan Al-Imam Al-Albani rahimahullahu in Ash-Saheehah no. 96)
Al-Imam Al-Baghawi rahimahullahu said,
“In the words of the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam to Al-Mughirah radi’ anhu:” Do you have seen a woman that you nut? “No ruling on the proposition that the Sunnah of the woman he saw before khitbah (Applying), so as not to burden the woman when khitbahnya he had to cancel because after nazhar he did not favor the woman. “(Syarhus Sunnah 9 / 18)
If nazhar performed after khitbah, could be with the khitbah the woman feels the man would marry her. And maybe when the man saw it did not interest her and then cancel the application, until finally the woman was disappointed and hurt. (Al-Minhaj Syarhu Sahih Muslim, 9 / 214)
Companions of Muhammad ibn Maslamah radi ‘anhu said, “I proposed to a woman, so I hid for on him until I can see it in a its date trees.” Then there is said to Muhammad, “Did you do something like this when you are a friend of The Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam? “said Muhammad,” I heard the Messenger of Allaah’ alaihi wa sallam said:
إذا ألقى الله في قلب امرئ خطبة امرأة, فلا بأس أن ينظر إليها
“When God threw in a man’s heart (intention) to woo a woman then it’s okay for her to see her.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah no. 1864, dishahihkan Al-Imam Al-Albani in Saheeh Ibni rahimahullahu Maja and Ash – Saheehah no. 98)
Al-Imam Al-Albani rahimahullahu said, “Can I see a woman who wanted to marry even if the woman does not know or did not realize it.” Evidence of this is the word of the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam:
إذا خطب أحدكم امرأة, فلا جناح عليه أن ينظر إليها إذا كان إنما ينظر إليها لخطبته, وإن كانت لا تعلم
‘If one of you wants to woo a woman, it is no sin for him to see if the woman was seen to ask for her hand goal, although the woman did not know (that she was being viewed). “(Narrated by At-Thahawi, Ahmad 5 / 424 and Ath-Thabarani in Al-Mu’jamul Ausath 1/52/1/898, with a saheeh isnaad, see Ash-Saheehah 1 / 200)
Pembolehan women who want to see even without the knowledge of spoken and without his permission is the opinion of scholars who held jumhur.
As for Al-Imam Malik rahimahullahu in a history of it says, “I do not like when the woman seen in a state he did not know for fear of sight to the focus of her private parts.” And from a group of Ahlul dinukilkan ilmi can not see that the woman before dipinang dilangsungkannya covenant because she still had not become his wife. (Al-Hawil Kabir 9 / 35, Syarhul Ma’anil Atsar 2 / 372, Al-Minhaj Syarhu Saheeh Muslim 9 / 214, Bari Fath 9 / 158)
Illegitimate bersepi-alone and lonely without mahram when nazhar
For the record must be a concern that when nazhar not be the man to be alone and lonely without bersepi-mahram (seclusion) with the woman. Because the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
لا يخلون رجل بامرأة إلا مع ذي محرم
“May it not be a man-quiet bersepi with a woman unless she was with her mahram.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 1862 and Muslim no. 3259)
Therefore the woman must be accompanied by one of his mahram, whether brother or father. (Nisa `fil Fiqhun waz Khithbah Zawaj, pp. 28)
If if does not allow him to see a woman who wants to dipinang, should he sent a woman who trusted in order to see / observe the woman who wants to dipinang then communicated to him. (An-Nazhar fi bi Ahkamin Nazhar Bashar Hassatil, Ibn al-Fasi Qaththan pp. 394, Al-Minhaj Syarhu Sahih Muslim, 9 / 214, Al-Mulakhkhash al-Fiqhi, 2 / 280)
The limitation may be seen from a woman
When nazhar, could see the woman on the usual body parts appear in front of her mahram. This section usually looks from the woman when she was working at home, like the face, two hands, neck, head, two legs, two feet and similar. Because of the hadeeth of the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam:
إذا خطب أحدكم المرأة, فإن استطاع أن ينظر إلي ما يدعوه إلى نكاحها فليفعل
“If one of you proposed to a woman, then she could see from what the woman pushed her to marry him, then let him do it.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 2082 dihasankan Al-Imam Al-Albani rahimahullahu in Ash-Saheehah no. 99)
In addition, the views of the community customs, see parts of it is not something that is considered burdensome or disgrace. Also seen from the existing practice of the Companions. Jabir bin Abdillah Companions radi ‘anhuma when applying for a woman, she was hiding to see him until he can see what prompted him to marry the girl, because the hadith practice. Similarly, Muhammad bin Maslamah radi ‘anhu as already mentioned above. Enough so that these hadiths and understanding friend as hujjah to allow a man to look beyond the face and two palm tangan2.
Al-Imam Ibn Qudama rahimahullahu said, “The permissibility saw the body of the woman who always looked was when the Prophet alaihi wa sallam allowed to see women who want to dipinang without his knowledge. Thus known that he was allowed to see the body of the woman who is commonly seen as unlikely that allowed only see the face of it but when it seemed all the rest of him, not just his face. Because of these body parts are commonly seen. Thus seen as permissible allowed to see his face. And also because the woman can be seen by settlers Shari’a commands that are allowed to see the body as it is allowed to-mahram mahram woman. “(Al-Mughni, fashl Ibahatun Nazhar Ila Wajhil Makhthubah)
Indeed the problem of limits to be seen when it acquired the nazhar disagreement among ulama3.
3. Khithbah (suit)
A man who was determined to marry a woman, should be proposed to the woman to his guardian.
When a man knows a woman who wanted to advance dipinangnya has dipinang by another man and the proposal is accepted, then the unlawful woman for her hand in marriage. Because the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam has said:
لا يخطب الرجل على خطبة أخيه حتى ينكح أو يترك
“No man proposed to a woman who has been dipinang by his brother until his brother was married to the woman or leave it (cancel pinangannya).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5144)
In a report narrated by Muslim (no. 3449) stated:
المؤمن أخو المؤمن, فلا يحل للمؤمن أن يبتاع على بيع أخيه ولا يخطب على خطبة أخيه حتى يذر
“A believer is a brother to another believer. So it is not permissible for him to offer goods that have been purchased by his brother and did not lawful for him woo a woman who has been dipinang by his brother until his brother left pinangannya (cancel). ”
The case was the first suitor disadvantage, in which the woman could be asked for cancellation due pinangannya prefer her second suitor. As a result, there was hostility between Muslims and the violation of rights. When the first suitor was rejected or the first suitor suitor allow both to apply for the woman, or cancel the first suitor may pinangannya then for a second suitor for the forward. (Al-Mulakhkhash al-Fiqhi, 2 / 282)
After the proposal received a continuation of discussion of course, when the covenant nikad will take place. But after the suit does not mean it, the man free and connected together with the woman. Because as long as they keep the covenant not ajnabi, so do not be a Muslim bermudah hope in this regard. (Nisa fil Fiqhun waz Khithbah Zawaj, pp. 28)
Let alone sit down to talk together, even accompanied by any mahram woman is still able to bring defamation. Therefore, when the ash-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullahu fatwa asked about a man who had proposed marriage to a woman, then in the days after the suit, he used to come to the house of the woman, sat briefly with him accompanied by her mahram woman in a state of wearing hijab the syar’i. Berbincanglah the man with the woman. But they do not talk out of the discussion of religion or reading Qur `an. So what answer rahimahullahu Sheikh? He was berfatwa,
“These things should not be done. Because, the feeling man that women who sit with him has generally dipinangnya will evoke passion. While the rise of lust to the other wives and women who owned slaves was forbidden. Something that leads to haraam involved, is also haraam. “(Fatawa ash-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, 2 / 748)
What should be noted by the guardian
As the guardian of the woman was approached by a man who wanted to woo the woman or she was about to marry a woman under perwaliannya, he should have noticed the following things:
– Choose a righteous husband and cautious. If that comes to him that such a man and the woman under the perwaliannya also agreed he should marry her because the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam has said:
إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه, إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض
“When coming to you (the guardian) a person who you ridhai religion and conduct to use ruqyah (to woo the woman of you) then you should marry the person you’re with a woman. If you do not do it necessarily going to happen on earth slander and great damage. “(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi no. 1084, dihasankan Al-Imam Al-Albani Al-rahimahullahu in Irwa` no. 1868, Ash-Saheehah no. 1022)
– Asking the opinion of his daughter / female under perwaliannya and should not be forced.
Approval of a girl is by his silence because he usually shy. Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah convey hadeeth ‘alaihi wa sallam:
لا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمر ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن. قالوا: يا رسول الله, كيف إذنها? قال: أن تسكت
“There should be a widow married until he invited discussion / asked for their opinion and should not be married to a girl asked for his permission.” They asked, “O Messenger of Allah! How to license a girl? “” License with it quietly, “he said. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5136 and Muslim no. 3458)
The ceremony is an agreement that took place between the two parties in the marriage consent forms and qabul.
Final offer is the delivery of the first party, while qabul is acceptance of both parties. Consent of the guardian of the woman with the words, for example: “I marry my son called the A to the dowry of a book Riyadhus Righteous.”
– Abul is the acceptance of the husband by saying, for example: “I accept your son nikahnya named the A to the dowry of a book Riyadhus Righteous.”
Before the ceremony dilangsungkannya, disunnahkan to deliver the sermon known as marriage or khutbatun Hajah khutbatul. Lafadznya as follows:
إن الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره ونتوب إليه, ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا وسيئات أعمالنا, من يهده الله فلا مضل له, ومن يضلل فلا هادي له, وأشهد ألا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له, وأشهد أن محمدا عبده ورسوله.
ياأيها الذين آمنوا اتقوا الله حق تقاته ولا تموتن إلا وأنتم مسلمون. (آل عمران: 102)
ياأيها الناس اتقوا ربكم الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وخلق منها زوجها وبث منهما رجالا كثيرا ونساء واتقوا الله الذي تساءلون به والأرحام إن الله كان عليكم رقيبا. (النساء: 1)
ياأيها الذين آمنوا اتقوا الله وقولوا قولا سديدا. يصلح لكم أعمالكم ويغفر لكم ذنوبكم ومن يطع الله ورسوله فقد فاز فوزا عظيما. (الأحزاب: 70-71)
5. Walimatul ‘urs
Establishing walimah ‘urs Sunnah according to the law most of the Ahl al-ilmi, menyelisihi their opinions some say must, because the Messenger of Allaah orders’ alaihi wa sallam to Abdur Rahman bin Auf radi’ anhu when he reported to him that he had been married:
أولم ولو بشاة
“Selenggarakanlah walimah although with only slaughter a kambing4.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5167 and Muslim no. 3475)
The Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam himself held walimah when married to his wives as in the hadeeth of Anas radi’ anhu is mentioned:
ما أولم النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم على شيء من نسائه ما أولم على زينب, أولم بشاة
“It’s not the Prophet alaihi wa sallam when conducting walimah married his wives with something like he did when walimah with Zainab. He slaughtered a goat for the show walimahnya with Zainab. “(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5168 and Muslim no. 3489)
Walimah can be done at any time. Dilangsungkannya can after the ceremony and can also be delayed for some time until the end of the days of the new bride. But three days after the groove dukhul, because such a dinukilkan of the Prophet alaihi wa sallam. Anas ibn Malik radi ‘anhu said, “Prophet alaihi wa sallam married to Safia radi’ anha and he made a maharnya Safia independence. He held walimah three days later. “(Al-Imam Al-Albani said in rahimahullahu thing Adabuz Zafaf. 74:” Narrated Abu Ya ^ la with a hasan chain of transmission as in Bari Fath (9 / 199) and in Saheeh al-Bukhari the meaning. “)
Be invited in the event that walimah people righteous, regardless of her rich or poor. Because if that overlooked only rich people while poor people were not invited, then the teranggap walimah food-bad bad food. The Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
شر الطعام طعام الوليمة, يدعى إليها الأغنياء ويترك المساكين
“Bad-bad food is the food walimah where walimah invited in only rich people while poor people are not invited.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5177 and Muslim no. 3507)
On this wedding day disunnahkan beat duff (tambourine kind of small, with no metal pieces around-the-clanging noise, ed.) In order to announce to the audience to the marriage. The Messenger of Allaah alaihi wa sallam said:
فصل ما بين الحلال والحرام الدف والصوت في النكاح
“Separator between what is lawful and what is unlawful is duff and shaut (voice) in marriage.” (Narrated by An-Nasa `i no. 3369, Ibn Majah no. 1896. Dihasankan Al-Imam Al-Albani Al-rahimahullahu in Irwa `no. 1994)
The meaning here is shaut wedding announcement, voice and lantangnya mention / talk about marriage in the middle man. (Syarhus Sunnah 9 / 47, 48)
Al-Imam Al-Bukhari rahimahullahu mention a chapter in his Saheeh, “duff plays in the wedding and walimah” and brought the hadith Ar-Rubayyi ‘radi bintu Mu’awwidz’ anha who recounts the presence of the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam in her marriage. When the girls hit the duff while stringing crooning words of praise for their fathers who were killed in Badr war, while the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam listen. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5148)
In this wedding should not play the songs or play musical instruments, because it is haraam.
Disunnahkan for attending a wedding, to pray for both families with the proposition hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah, he said:
أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم كان إذا رفأ الإنسان, إذا تزوج قال: بارك الله لك وبارك عليك وجمع بينكما في خير
“It is the Prophet alaihi wa sallam when praying for someone who is married, he said: ‘May Allah bless you and bless thee, and the two of you together in goodness’.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi no. 1091, dishahihkan Al-Imam Al – rahimahullahu Albani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
6. After akad
When the bride of the man has officially become the husband of the bride, and she wanted to go see his wife so dear to him to do some of the following cases:
First: Bersiwak first to clean his mouth because it was feared that the smell was not pleasant from his mouth. Similarly, the wife, should do the same. This is more encouraging to the continuity and closeness of the relationship between the two. Obtained from the deed Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam, he bersiwak if you want to go home to his wife, as the news from Aisha radi’ anha (Narrated by Muslim, no. 590).
Second: liked him to give dowry for his wife as will be mentioned in the problem of dowry from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbas radi’ anhuma.
Third: Apply gently to his wife, with him such a drink or a similar hadeeth bintu Asma `Al-Yazid bin Sakan radi ‘anha, she said,” I dressed Aisha radi’ anha to meet her husband, the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam. When finished I called the Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam to see Ayesha. He even came and sat next to Aisha. Then he brought the glass of milk. He drank from it and gave it to Aisha who looked embarrassed. “Asma` Aisha was scolded, “Take the glass from his hand Messenger of Allaah ‘alaihi wa sallam. Aisha also took it and drank a little of the milk. “(Narrated by Ahmad, 6 / 438, 452, 458 in length and briefly with the two mutually reinforcing chain of transmission, see Adabuz Zafaf, pp. 20)
Fourth: Putting his hands on the front of his wife’s head (top of his head) while praying for him, with words of the Messenger of Allaah proposition ‘alaihi wa sallam:
إذا تزوج أحدكم امرأة أو اشترى خادما فليأخذ بناصيتها وليسم الله عز وجل وليدع بالبركة وليقل: اللهم إني أسألك من خيرها وخير ما جبلتها عليه وأعوذ بك من شرها وشر ما جبلتها عليه
“If one of you marries a woman or buys a slave she should hold him by the forelock, the name of Allaah, praying for blessings and say: ‘O Allah, I ask Thee from his kindness and goodness what You created / tabiatkan him on it and I seek refuge in you from the ugliness and evil of what You created / tabiatkan him on it ‘. “(Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 2160, dihasankan Al-Imam Al-Albani in Saheeh Sunan rahimahullahu Abi Dawud)
Fifth: People of ‘scientific view is that after he met his wife loved and prayed for him to pray with two cycles. This dinukilkan from Abu Sa’id Maula atsar Usaid Abu Malik Al-Ansari Rabi’a. He said: “I’m getting married in a state I slave status. I invited some friends Prophet alaihi wa sallam, among them are Ibn Mas’ud, Abu Dzar, and Hudzaifah radi ‘anhum. Then enforced prayer, go forth to lead the Abu Dzar. But people told me that I advanced. When I asked why, they said it should be. I also led them forward in a state I slave status. They taught me and said, “If you go to see your wife, shalatlah two cycles. Then ask Allaah of goodness and seek refuge from the ugliness. So, your business with your wife. “(Narrated by Ibn Abi Abi Shaybah in al-Mushannaf, so Abdurrazzaq. Al-Imam Al-Albani said in rahimahullahu thing Adabuz Zafaf. 23,” saheeh Sanadnya to Abu Sa’id “).